i am actually quarrelling with Arthur on MSN. i cannot even believe it myself. I am just so disappointed in him. I really thought i found someone i could get along with in B.O.D. I'm so disappointed i was wrong.

U may say i am a cry-baby. wadeva. if that's all i appear to you. i'm sorry. ok. i'm so sorry. just go away and i wont bother u ever again. Like that last person who told pple who dunno me that abt me... and whom i never spoke to again for the next 10 years and still counting.

but than again, it doesn matter rite? afterall u dun care abt wad i think. so wadz the point?

and i can tell u i am only affected by pple whom i care abt the most. Meaning, if i dislike u, i will NEVER cry becos of something u said or did, however angry i am. Meaning, unless u matter as a good fren, or a best fren, u wont see that side of me which u saw.

so much for frenz. maybe i should just smile all day long and only cry to my pillow. And one day i'll hold back so much the only thing anyone knows about me is the smiley girl. and the next thing they noe, i would've committed suicide cuz i never told anyone any of my troubles.

i guess than everyone would be happier. becoz that's one less idiot to bother them. One less bo liao person to hinder them in their pursue of academic and career excellence by burdening them with her countless problems. one less problematic teen who talks far too much anyway. and of cuz, one less pathetic failure to take up space and oxygen meant for better beings.

you know. u guys dun have to bear with me. if i am really irritating, tell me.(Like i had to hear abt it from another fren years back... which hurt me the most most most, i recall. Because the person who said that abt me was the person that mattered the most to me at that time.i really really hope the person longer feels that way. If he does/if u do. tell me. 算我求求你。) Tell me and i promise u i will go away. PLZ tell me. Don tell others behind my back.

And i am sorry i don't like straightforward or insensitive pple. I admit it. I am afraid of them. I dont understand how pple can be so untactful and unfeeling. And hurt so many pple and feel nothing. i grew up with someone like that. I've been hurt so many times that person probably lost count or don even noe abt it. Such is the case i grew to be very afraid of her. Till today, i still avoid her when i can. I don want to talk to her and don wan her to talk to me if i can help it. And i am afraid of pple with similar character traits. I don like pple who tell me straightaway clear cut wad to do. I don like pple who give me an answer without consideration. I don like pple who think everybody is as insensitive as them thus they can do and say things and just try and erase it with a "i din mean it..." i just said it.

and to add on to all that, my tears are falling heavily onto the keyboard with loud *tap* *tap* sounds.

but wad does it matter. I am already a cry-baby to all of u whom i told abt this blog, because u are the ones i care abt alot. u are the best frenz and the close frenz. forget it. no point ranting any more. My tears no longer matter anyway.
Joyce at 10:24 PM

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